My All-Inclusive Resort

Monday, I had a bone marrow biopsy, which I will describe in detail. It isn’t horrible but it definitely isn’t my favorite. For those that get the heebie jeebies, you may want to skip this paragraph.

To perform a bone marrow biopsy, they have you lay on your stomach. They put a long needle in your backbone, near your hip. Although the needle is intended to numb the area, it first needs to reach the bone, which takes some effort. Once the needle is in position, they take another tool that I can best describe as an apple core peeler. They kind of wind and twist their way until they reach the bone, then ask me to blow out air as they extract bone marrow fluid. This part feels like a sudden horse kick from a Clydesdale. A couple of spontaneous profanities flow instantly from my mouth.

After being relieved that it was done, they said, “just two more times.”

When it was really over, I felt slightly abused. But within a half hour or so, it was like it never happened. Just a story to write in my blog. I only describe this because I really want to make sure I always remember the journey. When you feel great, it is easy to forget. But remembering helps to keep you humble.

Last night, I checked in to the hospital for round 1C of my Chemo treatment. This round of chemo is intense. I will be in the hospital for three weeks and have an 80+ percent chance of having nasty sores in my mouth, fevers, strong temporary neurological brain spacing (forgetting the date, names, etc), a very upset stomach and other unknowns. But it is what it is. There are a million ways to look at the same thing. I can run in fear and say “I don’t want to go through this,” or fantasize in my head about all of the ‘what ifs’…. But that just won’t change anything. It will only give major anxiety.

Looking at it another way, I can choose to be excited. When I do get through this next round, It will be one major step closer to my victory. And when I go home, it will be to the house that April and I just rented near the hospital. It has a big backyard, so I am going to do a lot of reading on gardening, and will have a killer garden full of fruits and veggies. I must continue to focus on the positives for my sanity.

I decided to give this hospital thing an alternative mental spin. Let’s start over just for fun. Here it goes :)

Last night, I checked into my all-inclusive resort. It’s absolutely amazing! It is all you can eat and drink, and they bring breakfast, lunch and dinner right to your room. They really wait on you hand and foot. No matter how much you eat, you will probably lose quite a bit of weight on their special Chemo diet that you can only get here. If you need to pee, they don’t make you get up to go to the bathroom. No way… They just give you a plastic container by your bed and say “Use that, I am happy to empty it for you, just page me anytime.” All of the beds recline and incline at a push of a button.

At this all-inclusive, there is always someone checking out your body. The staff may even have you pull your pants down so they can feel your balls for a few minutes. Surprisingly, your wife will actually appreciate it, and maybe even thank them for the extra care. To top it off, get this… It’s all free. Thats right, your insurance company is happy to cover this trip for you as long as you have coverage. They even say that you can go back every couple of weeks. What a place!! Amazing!!

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