I think it is in my nature to constantly compare. I see other people’s achievements and want to achieve more. I want to be the BEST! I feel we’re all wired that way. I don’t think anyone wants to be ordinary. But what is the best?
We all put timelines on when things should happen. For example: getting married by a certain age, staying married, owning a house, having kids, having a career path, reaching a certain weight or fitness level. etc… We create pressures on ourselves based on what we believe society expects of us. If we don’t follow the process, then we are failing. We are unhappy.
Goals are good to have for sure. But the second we start trying to live someone else’s story, we truly suffer. We aren’t meant to have the same story. I have lost sight of this many times over the years. The desire to achieve and over achieve has propelled me in many ways in my career and life, but has also caused me a lot of unnecessary stress. That is my doing. I have a natural tendency to show off, and let others see how great and happy everything is. I have let my ego get in the way at times.
Recently, I have made a lot of effort to push all of that aside, in order to find my own true happiness.
I don’t have many regrets in my life. But a part of me wishes I could go back to my old self in my early 20’s and just tell that guy to chill out a bit. To embrace exactly where I am at, rather than constantly living for the future. I have found that if you can trust your story, the good and the bad, you can be much happier in the moment.
When I was single, I spent so much time worrying about whether I would ever find the right person. So many conversations with friends. “Why not me, I’m a good guy. All the good ones are taken…” I would look at other people that were in love and would feel sad that I didn’t have that. I could have spent so much more time enjoying all the joy that can come from being single. But I was blinded by my fear of not having a sure answer. I jumped into relationships that maybe I knew weren’t right so that I could follow society’s protocol. I could have just trusted that my story would unfold as it was supposed to. I would have been much happier.
When I was super skinny (still am), I would look at other super fit people and wish that I could be like them, even though their body frame was completely different from mine. But I am not meant to be them. I was born me, and now I embrace it. I appreciate being me and respect the body I was given. It has kept me alive. I have all the friends I need, and I have a great wife and family. So I own it a bit more.
When I was twenty-six, I would see all of these super successful business people. They were way ahead of me financially, or in their business, and I put so much pressure on myself. I would tell myself that “I have to be at a certain point by the time I am thirty, or it won’t be impressive anymore.” I had this need to show off, to wow people with my early accomplishments. That was my definition of happiness: be the best at everything, and do it all first.
I was definitely wrong in this thinking. Guess what? Nobody cared. It was just me putting unnecessary pressure on myself.
I don’t know if our story is already written. I would like to think that I am continually writing mine, and helping it evolve. I trust that my Cancer is just part of my story. That is has purpose. That with all the pain that comes with it, and all the unknowns, it will be the best thing that has happened to me. I have learned to really embrace whatever my story may be.
I am not waiting for my Cancer to be gone in order to find my happiness. I am not comparing myself to healthy people, or wishing I could be them. This is my story, and I’m living happy today. My brain works, my eyes work, my fingers work. I am grateful for that. Now, I don’t look at what I wish I had. I appreciate what I actually have. That brings me a lot of peace.
There will always be someone “ahead” of us. Someone that has achieved more, or is younger or wealthier, or hotter and more fit. But I no longer compare. I no longer care about proving anything to anyone. My goals of happiness have changed. I now look at each day in a much simpler way. I just want to be me. I want to see what makes me happy on a daily basis. My goals are now more focused on what I personally want to achieve, versus what others have achieved in comparison.
I think it is important to ignore the timeline of when goals are achieved. The important thing is whether you achieve them. Turn off the “has to happen by this time” clock. Remove the urgency and live in the moment. Good things always happen even, from bad things. We have to make all of our decisions on what we feel is best. We can’t worry about what others will think. That is wasted time.
I am now living my life story daily. I am so excited to see what is ahead!