Sometimes on Facebook, I see someone write something like “I have the worlds bestest hubby, he just wrote me this message.” Then they share what I feel should be a private message. It kind of feels a bit like the person writing it is just gloating. Or I will see something like, “look what my wife did for me,” and the husband shares something that I feel should be shared amongst two people, not the world. Or the couple puts waaaaay too many lovey, dovey pictures of themselves online, and it makes me kind of feel awkward. It just can feel a bit corny, and I never really liked it.
We can all get a little annoying sometimes because we are so in love. Whether it is 5 million pictures of our spouse, baby, dog, cat, or even food that we ate that day at a restaurant. I realize now that it is just love they are sharing.
Today, I have decided to break all of my opinions and rules of public love. I think it is ok to show off what we love so much. I am going to do exactly what they all do because I now want to brag a lot about my wife! If it gets too mushy, please feel free to skim or move on.
Today is April’s 30th birthday. It is a very different birthday for both of us. A 30th birthday should be full of joy and happiness, celebrating the past, and the future ahead. But I had 4 rounds of chemo yesterday and am just hopeful that I will have the energy to celebrate with her. So there is an elephant in the room. It’s different than we would have expected. I know how hard this is for April, as she wants to celebrate, but also wants me feeling good.
The reality is that I don’t like looking in the mirror at all these days. In my mind I am strong, fit and decent looking (not winning any awards, but doin’ alright). But then I look in those funny mirrors and it isn’t pretty. I no longer have eyelashes and my eyebrows are almost gone. Not going to lie, it looks a little creepy. I am pale, and skinny. I really don’t recognize myself. It looks like I’m in a movie and they digitized me to make me look all Cancery. Like Benjamin Button effects. I can hide it pretty well with a hat, normal clothes, my glasses, jeans, etc but, (sorry to paint a visual) without all of that cover up, I look sick.
What I now understand about April is that her love really does see through everything. She must be using her heart, because she looks at me as if I am Brad Pitt (the early years). She makes me feel attractive. I feel all the affection that I have ever had and more. Simply put, April loves me unconditionally. We hear that all the time that love is unconditional, but I really understand that now.
Everyone tells me how great I am doing. I want everyone to know that, in huge part, it is because of my wife. She is my strength. Her love (as well as others, of course) is why I am alive. It is how I keep it together, and why I remain optimistic.
It is a lot of work for her when I am sick. Physically and mentally. It’s having to cook food every day rather than eating out on occasion, doing all the shopping for everything because I can’t be in public places, setting up the entire house, cleaning, laundry, coming to watch tv with me, driving me to and from the hospital, and hanging out for hours each day when I am admitted. She does all of this for me because she is amazing. She does it without complaint. She just keeps loving me. What makes April so special is her love reservoir. I don’t think it ever runs out. In fact I think it just refills itself everyday. WARNING: next paragraphs is where it gets a little mushy.
April, I owe you my life. You are the most amazing woman that I know. You are talented, loving, smart and hot. Yes, I am bragging. I am so appreciative to have you April in my life and I want the entire world to know that we are that gross, way too in love couple. We get through every hurdle together. As Jerry Maguire would say, “you complete me.”
I thank David and Gayla for making and raising such an amazing person. I thank God that I have such an amazing person by my side. I am the luckiest man on the face of the earth (A Lou Gehrig quote).
April, I wish you an amazing birthday. My promise to you is to celebrate at least another 30 birthdays with you. Actually, that’s no fun. Let’s go for another 60 together ;) You have a heart of gold. Thank you for being my best friend. Thank you for being my support. I love you forever. You are my soul mate. Arneg (our inside word, not a typo).