I was thinking about hope this morning. What is it to hope for something? Hope and faith are very different things to me. I will get back to this question in a bit.
When I write about my attempts to gain a deeper understanding of life, I understand that I may come across as naive. Many of my thoughts will probably be consistent with beliefs that are already written. I haven’t read the books. I haven’t studied all the religions. In many ways I am like a child when it comes to these new thoughts. But that could be a pathway to truly free thinking.
I do believe in studying the past, and learning and growing from the wisdom of others. But right now, my heart yearns to write a book, not just read one. I want every thought that I have to come from within me. Not from a story that was told or from a saying that may already exist. I am trying to make sense of everything in my own way, and write from my heart and soul.
Through this experience, I have found that many peoples’ religious beliefs have come to surface. I want to make it really clear that because I have chosen a more self-spiritual route that may not fall perfectly in line with any particular religion, that it is not me being against religion. Actually, it is the opposite. I so welcome blessings and prayers across different belief systems. I know they come from love and what each person feels and believes in their heart is “the answer.”
Like my newfound spirituality (that seems to have surfaced a month ago), I feel religion should be a personal relationship. I am all for what makes each person a more complete and moral, caring person. I believe in religion if it brings peace and clarity to that individual. For those that are praying for me, bring it on. I love it. I appreciate it. I love being thought about. I understand that prayer is a way to show your faith in God, and I welcome support and positivity in any form.
I do find a personal contradiction, though. If I trust that everything happens for a reason, then I wonder about the purpose of my own prayer. I honestly don’t find myself spending time hoping or praying. I’m not sure if that is bad or not, but I just have faith. I have faith that life is going to work exactly how it is supposed to. That feels more empowering to me. It’s up to each person to define themselves and choose what brings their heart peace.
I am not trying to push my views. I’m sure they will keep evolving. But I really want to find those answers within myself, within my soul.
It all comes back to hope and faith. I am not going to spend time being hopeful. I do have faith. I have faith that if I give my situation purpose, then I am exactly where I should be. Instead of hoping for different circumstances, I will focus on being present, with exactly what I have. I will appreciate exactly where I am at today at this moment. I trust that what is ahead tomorrow will be even better than where I am now. Every day we are alive, we are given the power to make change. We have the freedom to give purpose to what we do. It is up to me to create that purpose.
Am I being guided to my destiny as a human in this world? Not sure. I don’t really care right now. I just know that a lot of stuff has been born in my head that didn’t exist before, and it feels exciting. I am finally taking time to reflect, to think, to question things.
This brings me back to hope. Is hope healthy? Overall, I don’t think so. Hope can be dangerous. It is weak and powerless. It is something that is out of your control. It is something that, if it doesn’t happen, will only bring pain and suffering.
Faith, trust, and curiosity are very different things. I have faith that everything will work out as it should. I have trust in the outcome leading me forward, and I naturally have curiosity about what lies ahead. But hope??? It keeps me waiting around. It keeps me wishing. I am able to catch myself “hoping” quicker now, which then in turn helps me stay grounded, and gets me back to happiness that exists right now.
I think it is healthy to question everything. That is what I am doing. I think it is also healthy to not have the answers to everything. It’s a balance.